J. Andersen Talks Family and Friends Becoming Characters

Hey everyone!

For those of you who don't already know, my super amazing friend J. Andersen just had a book launch for her second novel! Yaaaaay!

What? Who is J. Andersen? How dare you, sir! I challenge you to fisticuffs at dawn.

THIS is J. Andersen:

There’s not much to do growing up in a small town in Western NY, so J. Andersen wrote stories and won high school writing contests. But in college her writing was limited to term papers. While teaching middle school she began to read young adult books and got serious about writing. She now writes full time, volunteers at the town library, helps to run a School of the Arts at her church, and sings in the church band. She enjoys good coffee—read: home roasted by her husband—crafts, baking, and chasing after her children. You’ll rarely see J. without a book in her hands, and that’s the way she’d like to keep it.

J has been my friend for many years, and I have beta read most of her books (and helped edit a couple). I was very excited when she told me she had a deal for her latest project, The Breeding Tree.

Here's what you can expect from The Breeding Tree:

Is the opportunity to create the next generation of life a dream come true or a deadly nightmare?

When seventeen year old Katherine Dennard is selected to become a "Creation Specialist" in Sector 4, the opportunity sounds like a dream come true. But Kate soon discovers the darker side of her profession - the disposal of fetal organs and destruction of human life. It makes sense, really. In a society where disease and malformations don t exist, human perfection demands that no genetic "mutants" be allowed to live. For Sector 4, "survival of the fittest" is not just a theory - it's The Institute's main mission.

When Kate discovers that The Institute is using her DNA to create new life, her work gets personal. In order to save her unviable son, she'll have to trust Micah and his band of underground Natural Born Rebels. The problem is, if The Institute discovers her betrayal, the next body being disposed of could be hers.

That's awesome, right? Who doesn't love a killer dystopian novel? (Horrific pun five thousand percent intended.)

Here is what J had to say about inspiration for her characters in her newest novel:

One question I often receive is, “Do you put anyone you know in the books you write?”

For me, the answer is, yes and no. There are definitely elements of different people, but I have never copied an individual person closely. I have a friend who told me she did that for one of her stories and the person never recognized herself, so that makes me want to try it. So far, I stick to bits and pieces of people.

In The Breeding Tree, Gran has a gold tooth. This was taken from my grandfather, who had a gold tooth. I was close with my grandparents, so there’s always going to be an element of them in any grandparent I write. Gran is also a little snarky. My grandmother was too, although, I don’t think she ever intended to be. She just told it like it was. I can remember the day I showed her a picture of my wedding dress. She told me it wasn’t a really wedding dress because it didn’t have long sleeves. I still laugh at that.

Dr. Rosenberg’s name was stolen from my Aunt Penny. I take names of friends often. At least last names.

Jaxon’s way of joking is my brother Matt. Though, Jaxon is a high energy, always in-your-face kind of guy. My brother is more likely to disappear into his shop because he’s had enough socializing after about an hour. Matt also provided a few one-liners for Jaxon without knowing it.

I have another friend who keeps asking to be in a book. Even if it’s just a cameo. I haven’t yet done that. Maybe in the future. Until then, this is as close as you’re going to get, Bob Katilus.

I do have to explain about my mother. Every mother I’ve written so far has been a little on the grumpy, mean side. I need to clarify that this is NOT how my mother is. The mothers in my stories are definitely not fashioned after my own mother. She’s a wonderful, generous, Godly woman. But that kind of character just didn’t fit in with my story. 

I’m sure as I continue to write, more of my friends and family will make their way into my stories. You’ll just have to guess who is who.

Now, you may be saying to yourself as you stroke your imaginary beard/mustache/goatee, "Danielle, you've known J for years. Are you in one of her books?"

The answer is, yes. Yes I am.

I don't want to give too much away, but The Breeding Tree is only the first book of a trilogy that J. Andersen has already written. And she specifically asked for my permission to name a mad scientist after me in one of them.

A MAD SCIENTIST.

LIFE ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED.

So, in conclusion - buy all of J. Andersen's books because she is amazing. I mean, that's not the only reason why. But it's the best reason.

Really, though, The Breeding Tree is a fantastic read. I would recommend it to others regardless.

Please, check it out....of a library! And then buy it! Or just buy it!

Here is the link to buy The Breeding Tree on Amazon, as well as all the ways you can stalk dear J on social media:

THE BREEDING TREE on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1941103987/

Website: https://www.jandersenbooks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jandersenbooks

Twitter: https://twitter.com/JVDLAndersen

Goodreads: https://goodreads.com/jvdlandersen

Instagram: https://instagram.com/jvdlandersen

Snapchat ID: jvdlandersen

If I Stay by Gayle Forman

Obviously there are going to be spoilers. It's pretty much impossible to give an excellent book review without spoilers.

I'm sure you've heard of this book by now, since it was made into a movie which came out over the summer last year. But here's a quick plot rundown for those who might not know.

Mia has a great life - loving family, loving boyfriend, and a great future ahead of her thanks to her mad cello skills. That life is completely altered one day when she and her family are in a horrific car crash. Trapped in limbo while her body lies empty in a coma, Mia has to decide whether to forsake her uncertain future and join her family in death, or embrace the pain of life and continue on.

I'm having mixed feelings about this one, which reminds me of how I felt after I read The Fault in our Stars by John Green. After I finished TFIOS, I felt like what I had just read was supposed to make me feel heart-wrenching grief and think profoundly about life. But what I found myself doing was just crying because all I got from the book was very dark vibes. I've ruminated on it more since and think better of it, but I'm still kind of on the fence about whether I really enjoyed it or not.

That's really a lot like how I'm feeling right now with this book. I had such high hopes for it. I wanted it to really get into the nitty gritty stuff - why is life worth living, especially when you've suffered horrific loss? How do you find the courage to live, to go on? What is worth staying for?

What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?

I found a lot of those questions were left unanswered. In fact, in the end, it is seemingly only her boyfriend Adam's love that brings Mia out of her coma. But the thing is, I barely see a connection between them at all. The book focuses more on her relationships with her best friend Kim and her parents than with Adam. I barely got a sense of who Adam was as a person. There was a lot of telling and no showing. I got that he was a nice guy prone to big gestures and he wasn't afraid to cry and he liked punk rock and was in a band and wore studded jeans and stuff. But frankly when the nurse says that only close family are allowed in to see Mia and Adam acts like she just ripped his heart out of his chest I was like, "What? I don't get it. Why is he acting like that? Did she say some kind of trigger word or something?" Because I didn't see he and Mia as being very close at all. The flashes you do see of their relationship are awkward and platonic. You know they love each other, but it's not really there.

There was also a bit too much focus on the past. I understand that the author wanted to expose the rawness of what Mia had just lost, to understand the depth of her love for her family. But there is no time spent dwelling on thoughts of the future. What will it be like to go on? What are her reasons to continue living? These are things not really discussed at all. Mia just gets more and more tired, losing her will to live until Adam wakes her with his love.

Frankly, I'm actually a little pissed off that romantic love was the only thing worth actually waking up for, not her friends or family staked out in the ICU, refusing to leave her. Romantic love is certainly not to be taken lightly or discarded, but it's just such an age-old cliche - the only thing that saves a girl's life is true love. Examples: Snow White. Sleeping Beauty. Princess Buttercup.

I could go on and on. I mean, this is the reason the ending to Frozen got so much attention - because yeah, Anna was saved by true love. But not ROMANTIC love - the love she had for her sister. Because familial love is just as valid and important as romantic love.

The final problem I have with this book is this: until she finds out Teddy is dead, Mia is emotionally detached from everything. I understand being in shock, but come on. She's trying to decide whether to live or die. Where are the fucking EMOTIONS?? Maybe if she was making some rational pros and cons list and trying to be neutral, I could forgive that. But she is trying to decide if her own life is worth pursuing. That involves a LOT of emotions! Fear, love, anger, more fear - even excitement or anticipation. As much as she reminisces and wonders, she never talks about her feelings. It's a bit ludicrous, honestly.

So, there it is. This book was well written, and there were some incredibly moving parts in it. The relationship Forman crafts between Mia and her family is beautiful and touching. Very specifically, I love the scene where Kim comes to talk to Mia while she's still in her coma. But there are so many things, so many pieces that just don't fall into place. So many points where it falls short of expectations.

I've been in a rut myself, and I was hoping this book had some answers. That it could tell me exactly what it was that made life worth living, that could give someone like Mia the courage to face the abysmal tragedy and move forward. And I didn't find anything remotely like that in these pages.

All in all, I give it 3 out of 5 stars.

When Life Brings You a Book, You Read It

I haven't exactly been in the best frame of mind lately.

Since I've graduated college, it's been difficult for me to find work. Forget about work in my field - I just mean work, period. It's been a year and some change since I've been out in the "real world" - because for those of you who didn't know, college is in a mythical dimension - and my inability to get a decent job when I have a four-year degree and $65,000 in debit is pretty rattling. On top of that, a couple months before I graduated I developed Anxiety. That's Anxiety the illness, not anxiety the feeling.

So let's do some math, shall we?

Danielle + newly-minted-and-still-not-fully-understood Anxiety + money problems + having to live at home + having almost no social life = A person who is afraid to do anything with themselves.

If you're like me at all when it comes to math, your instant response to addition symbols was, "Wait hold on I don't get it."

Okay, so here's a word version of that: My student loan payments are through the roof, but I barely have enough money to pay them, so I'm living at home. Living at home is making me miserable, and I miss having my friends nearby like they were in college. Sometimes my Anxiety is so bad that I doubt everything about myself. But if I want to advance in my field at all, I need to move to a metropolitan area like NYC or Chicago and pursue it. Yet I have no money to move, and don't know anyone in large cities to rely on if something terrible happens.

So I'm petrified with fear. Unwilling and unable to go back, but too afraid to take chances and move forward into the future.

I'm part of a YA book club at the library where I volunteer (shout out to Sinclairville Free Library!), and the book for this month is If I Stay by Gayle Forman. Yes, this is a very popular book and I'm a little late to the game in reading it. Bear with me.

Just upon hearing the premise, I couldn't help but think that this is a book that the universe drops in your lap. When you are desperate for answers or courage or sympathy, and suddenly you find a book that seems too good to be true - one that sounds like just what you need. Honestly the scenario goes a bit like this:

To me, it seems that this is a book about the courage to live. To face your mortality and pain and find the strength to somehow see that life is worth living anyway, and that you can do it. You can move forward and forge a life for yourself and everything will be all right - well, mostly.

And I need that right now.

Every book gives you something different. That's what I'm hoping this book will give me.

Now please excuse me while I blow through this novel. More later.

Hattie Big Sky by Kirby Larson

Obviously, beware of spoilers. And stuff.

Hattie Inez Brooks is a young girl of sixteen growing up during World War I. Orphaned very early in life, Hattie can't remember her parents. She has spent her childhood being bounced from relative to relative - never wanted and never staying for long. She is living with her Aunt Ivy and Uncle Holt, who are actually rather distant cousins, and is just about to be loaned out for work to a boarding house when she receives a letter from Vida, Montana.

The letter is from her Uncle Chester - a man she didn't even know existed. He reportedly never sent for her because he was, by his own description, a "scoundrel." But what he did do for her endeared him to Hattie regardless. The letter he sent to her was his will. He had registered a homestead claim in Montana that he had yet to prove up on, and he left it to Hattie, his last living relative, so she could have a home of her own.

Hattie immediately sets out for Montana with her cat Mr. Whiskers, her heart full of dreams. No longer will she have to be unwanted Hattie Here-and-There. On the prairie she can make a place for herself in the world, a place where she can finally belong.

And that is truly what Hattie Big Sky is about. It's a coming of age story where a sixteen-year-old girl breaks her back farming a homestead claim, finding herself, a family, and the strength to withstand anything life throws at her in the process. It is also about equality, prejudice, standing up for what's right, and being a good person.

I checked Hattie Big Sky out of my local library after hearing it was a pretty fantastic book. And it won the Newbery Honor Medal, so I had some expectations of it. Most of those expectations were beyond met.

Hattie is everything you want in a female protagonist. She accepts help from others, and isn't afraid to admit that she has no idea what she's doing. But she works hard, learns fast, and not only takes care of herself, but her neighbors the Muellers as well. She forges friendships, stands strong against the so-called "Liberty League" that makes life hard for Americans of German heritage and questionable patriotism, and is independent and smart. There seems to be no incident that she can't bring herself back from.

And I love Hattie's story. I really do. It shows young girls that they can survive anything, that they can find a home anywhere, as long as they believe in themselves. And I don't mean in some starry-eyed way, where anything you imagine can come true. I mean believe in you - who you are as a person, the endurance of your body and your spirit, and your strength. Believe that you have what it takes to make it through, and you will. Love yourself, and love will find you.

There are, of course, some problems I had with Hattie Big Sky. She found her true family in the Muellers - her home is with them. Why is she going off to meet up with Charlie, her love interest? I love Hattie, and everything she stands for. So why does the author have to imply at the end that Hattie will finally find her true home with Charlie in Seattle? Certainly she's allowed to have her romance, but she found her family with Karl and Perilee and their children. She loved them, and actively thought of them as her blood. She found what she had always been looking for - a place to belong, and people to love her. So why didn't she go with them? When you find people you love, you fight to keep them. So why didn't she make plans to be with them? It's completely confusing.

Another problem I had with the book is that not much good ever seems to happen to Hattie. Yes, the book is supposed to be about her standing up through hardship. But in the end, she's left with nothing but herself and a ticket to Seattle. She even has to leave Mr. Whiskers behind. She loses the claim to that asshole rancher, the Muellers move, and she has so much debt at the general store from trying to prove up that she has to stay behind - even though she now has no home - and work it off. When is anything good going to happen to her? Sure, she found inner strength and fortitude and peace. But a soul can't survive on that alone. A little happiness is not uncalled for. It is necessary.

The issues I have with this book are minimal, really. I loved it. It was well written, and the history of the period was evident in the writing. I found it especially interesting that the author based if off of one of her ancestors. I would've liked to meet that lady.

There is a sequel to this book, Hattie Ever After. But I probably won't ever read it, as the description sounds so very different in tone, setting, and character than the first. And I think a sequel is unnecessary. This book stands tall and strong, just like Hattie, all on its own.

I give it four out of five stars.

I've Got Your Number by Sophie Kinsella

I can hear you all now. "Wow, Danielle! You're actually alive."

Indeed, I am. Sorry to disappoint.

Anyway, here's the book we're talking about today.

I normally always finish a book. Even if it didn't thrill me, even if it was a little long, there are few books I get so bored or irritated with that I quit before making it the whole way through.

This was one of those books.

Oy.

This was a piece. Of. Work.

The reason I got this book out of the library was because I'd previously seen the Shopaholic movie. I've never read the books, but the movie was a good time and I liked it. And I enjoy a good Chick Lit novel every now and then. So I figured this book would be a nice light read that would maybe make me laugh.

I was soooooo wrong.

Let's start with the basics. The main character is named Poppy Wyatt. She's getting married in just about two weeks time. She's marrying Magnus Tavish, a handsome and wildly popular academic who frequently appears on television. Poppy's in her late twenties, is a successful physical therapist, and is financially stable.

Too bad she's a pathological liar and a spineless idiot.

Now in real life, I would probably like Poppy. I would probably even be friends with Poppy. She is sweet and thoughtful, and often funny. But because I am hearing her every thought and seeing her every action, I HATE HER. SHE DROVE. ME. CRAZYYYYYYY.

All right, people. Let's get cracking with the real issues.

Book Issue #1: Poppy's Spinelessness

Poppy lets everyone walk all over her wearing cleats and doesn't even notice. You might think, "Oh, surely you're kidding. She can't be that daft."

You're overestimating her.

She is constantly apologizing for things that aren't her fault. I HATE that. I hate it when anyone, but especially a woman, feels the need to apologize just for existing. But someone will insult Poppy, and she'll automatically apologize. For, I dunno - breathing, I guess. Poppy is also terrified of accidentally saying something that might offend someone. She often follows up statements with "Sorry!" or some other placation, just to be safe. This makes her personality so incredibly wishy-washy. There's nothing she's willing to say and back up. She's so timid in the face of what she sees as embarrassment that she'll do anything to make it go away, including take back or negate whatever she just said. The fact that she can hardly state one fact and hold firm on it shows an incredible weakness in character.

Now let's talk about the people she lets walk all over her!

Person 1: Lucinda, the wedding planner.

Lucinda is a BITCH.

Figured we'd just get that out of the way.

She is Poppy's wedding planner. Which means SHE works for POPPY. NOT the other way around. But Lucinda treats Poppy like dirt. She is constantly guilt-tripping her just because she's doing her freaking JOB. And because she guilt trips her so often, Poppy ends up apologizing profusely and offering to do most of Lucinda's work. It is also pretty obvious that Lucinda is making them get things they don't need for their wedding that are very expensive and is being very well compensated for her time. If I was paying someone out the ass for this job and they weren't doing it, you can bet your sweet butt I'd be firing them faster than you could blink. So it made me INCREDIBLY mad that Poppy not only took Lucinda's abuse when she is technically Lucinda's BOSS, but that she then offered to do Lucinda's job FOR her! HOW SPINELESS CAN YOU BE??

Person 2: Annalise, Poppy's "friend"

Annalise is also a BITCH.

Poppy seems to surround herself with bitches.

Annalise never has anything nice to say to Poppy. She isn't supportive, isn't caring, and isn't tactful. She tries to feel up Magnus RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. She is constantly resentful toward Poppy because Magnus chose her when Annalise is clearly the better-looking one and deserves him more.

Seriously, what a bitch. And a horrible friend, though Poppy somehow can't see it at all. She just lets Annalise's attempts to steal her fiance go right over her head. Ridiculous.

Person(s) 3: Magnus's Parents

Magnus's parents are JERKS. Wanda and Antony, which are their names, are also highfalutin academics. They treat Poppy like she is literal pond scum because she isn't on their level of intelligence. They don't offer to explain their scholarly jargon to her and constantly belittle her for JUST being a physical therapist. Um, that is a serious profession that requires four to six years of schooling. Poppy clearly went to college and has an education, so why are you treating her like a twelve-year-old that didn't care enough to study for your hardcore test consisting of EVERY SUBJECT ON EARTH?

It seems like there's nothing they don't know about. They even answer questions about anatomy on Jeopardy, and then look down on Poppy because she didn't say the answers faster than they did.

Seriously. What high-and-mighty assholes.

But Poppy doesn't say boo about how they treat her - not to Magnus, not to her friends, and certainly not to their faces. If I were her, I would've stormed out on them several times and stopped speaking with them entirely until they got an enormous attitude adjustment.

Book Issue #2: Poppy's Lies

Poppy's reaction in most situations is to lie. And not even to lie realistically - she usually creates absurd lies that later get her in trouble when she has to answer for them.

As someone who can barely tell a lie - like, I'm physically almost not capable of it - her constant lying drove me INSANE. I don't understand why, in most of these situations, she couldn't just tell the truth! Most of her lying was done in circumstances where people would ask her about a certain subject or topic. To avoid what she considered humiliation and to keep from looking stupid, she would lie and say she knew all about it, and of course she was an expert.

Many of her other lies were far more tangled and over complicated - like all of her plots to hide the fact that she's lost her engagement ring. But in these scenarios, I don't understand why it's so hard for her to admit that she just DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT SOMETHING. You can't know about everything in the world! Just admit that you haven't heard of it, and ask what they're talking about! WHY IS THAT SO HARD, YOU CRAZY, PATHOLOGICAL LIAR??

It really does bother me that she never seems to be capable of telling the truth. That makes most of her relations based on lies, and relationships based on lies are not real relationships. By constantly lying, she makes no real connections with anyone.

Book Issue #3: NO CHEMISTRY OR ROMANCE

I got about halfway through the book before I rage quit. And in that half, there was no chemistry between Poppy and either male lead. None. At all.

Magnus is pretty much only concerned about sex, from what I can tell. He tries to have sex with Poppy when he comes to pick her up from work one day, and when she rejects him, he says dejectedly, "What are we supposed to do instead?"

Really? Fucking really? You can't think of anything to do with your girlfriend except have sex with her? What a dick.

Magnus and Poppy have no romantic moments, and no real chemistry. And he doesn't seem overly concerned with her emotional or physical well-being, either. When she lies and claims she burned her hand to try and hide the fact that she lost her engagement ring, Magnus could not give any less of a fuck. He's just kind of like, "Oh nice bandage."

You don't even see much of the other love interest, Sam. And what you do see of him is a curt guy who also doesn't care very much about Poppy's problems and can't take his face out of his phone for long enough to even answer a question. He and Poppy also have no chemistry or romance.

I do appreciate how Poppy isn't so boy-crazy that she doesn't just talk about how hot they both are all the time. But still. She could really stand to interact with them more and actually show some affection for either of them.

Book Issue #4: Character Development

There are no real backstories for anyone. I mean - Poppy has a tragic past! Feel bad for her cause her parents died!

That's about it for her. Obviously you do get an idea of her character, but facts about her aren't really developed.

And who the hell is Sam, anyway? In the half of the book that I read, you know he's a very busy and important guy who works in a consulting firm and travels a lot for work. And he pretty much doesn't ever look up from his phone. He's also a bit of a jerk. But other than that, you know very little about him. Oh, and he refuses to go to the dentist, which annoys Poppy. And I personally find that kinda icky. I understand if you can't afford it because of insurance reasons, but if you have the proper insurance, there's really no excuse at all. Unless you're not into proper hygiene.

You also don't know much about Magnus's character besides the whole snooty academia attitude, because Poppy has SO FEW INTERACTIONS with him. I'm serious.

Book Issue #5: Poppy's Strange Sense of Privacy

Yet another thing that pisses me off about the awful Poppy is that she takes the trust Sam puts in her to forward all his emails and smashes it. She not only smashes it, she then puts all the little pieces through a wood chipper and dances on their sparkling remains.

I could maybe understand reading his emails. Other people are fascinating. Why do you think we have biographies and autobiographies? We want to know about each other's lives. But then she starts SENDING EMAILS WITHOUT HIS CONSENT. And not just some harmless emails, like to set him up a dentist appointment or something - which I'm pretty sure she also does. She volunteers him for a run and to deliver a coworker's birthday flowers. Then she sends out an email that could be misconstrued as sexually inappropriate and another company-wide one that will probably get him into ridiculous amounts of trouble. And to me, that's unacceptable and wrong. If she had made suggestions to him or bugged him until he told her how he wanted those emails answered and then responded accordingly, I would've been okay with that. But she wrote these emails without his knowledge or consent and without knowing the intricacies of his work environment.

That is just so stupid, I can't even handle it. It is so rude and awful and such an abuse of trust it's almost unfathomable.

All of today's gifs brought to you by The Room, probably the funniest bad movie ever made.

So, these are all my feelings about I've Got Your Number. I just couldn't finish it. It made me too god damned angry. I'm certainly willing to give Sophie Kinsella another try, but I really, really don't recommend reading this book.

That's how effing serious I am.

I give this book 1/5 stars.

We Were Liars by E. Lockhart

Oh man, this book.

I guess I should warn you - potential spoilers and stuff. Not really much of a concern with this one, though.

Anyway, moving on.

I read this book in under twenty-four hours. It is a fast-paced mystery that sucks you in. It might be a more effective form of quicksand.

The main character of the book is Cadence Sinclair Eastman. She is a member of the prestigious and vastly wealthy Sinclair family. It is a family where everyone is perfect - successful, beautiful, normal. Or, at least, they're supposed to be.

Oh, and white. Did I forget to mention white?

The Sinclairs spend their summers on Beechwood, the private island owned by the family off the coast of Massachusetts. That's right - they have their own god damned PRIVATE ISLAND.

That is how disgustingly rich they are.

For the oldest children - Cady, John, Mirren, and tag-along friend Gat - summer on the island is sacred. These cousins and friends spend the whole year living far apart. Summers on Beechwood are when they can be together and be truly, simplistically happy.

And as children, they don't know that that happiness is a facade. They don't know how truly awful their family dynamics are. They can't understand why their parents break apart and their fathers leave them.

After all - this is the Sinclair family. They are grand and well-bred and well-monied. Who wouldn't want to be part of it?

But after the summer when the oldest children are fifteen, everything changes.

Cady has an accident that she can't remember. She is found naked and shivering on the beach, half-submerged in water. Memory loss takes nearly the entirety of the summer away from her. She doesn't understand why her cousins won't speak to her, or why no one will tell her what happened. The accident has left her with untreatable migraines that slowly destroy her will to live. They are explosive and indescribably painful. Doctors can find no brain trauma, but there is clearly something very wrong with her.

Her father wants to take her traveling for the summer, but Cady refuses. She misses her cousins and Gat and Beechwood. She is seventeen now, and missed all of the previous summer on the island due to her illness. She gets permission to spend four weeks of summer vacation there, and is determined to use that time to find out what everyone is hiding from her.

Let me just say that I had so many theories about where this story would go, and I'm usually right with at least one of my guesses. One of my guesses was half right. The plot really does keep you on your toes. And the resolution of the story, where Cady regains her memories and realizes what's happened, is absolutely, 1000% heartbreaking. Like, sob so hard there's snot running into your mouth desolation.

But the book is worth it. It's so, so worth it.

This book is about a family that literally burns itself to the ground through its obsession with greed. Only when the youngest generation stands up and tries to change things do they even realize what horrible people they are. And even then, many of the family members still don't fully understand.

The title also doesn't mean that they were liars in the traditional sense - it's not like they fabricated fantastical stories about their lives or lied to people to get what they wanted. They were liars because they were lying about their reality, about who they were as people. In the Sinclair family, you have to be fucking perfect, and on Beechwood Island, reality is suspended in favor of a rich utopia where everyone gets along and is normal. 

Always be normal.

They were lying to themselves about having flaws and being human and feeling emotions. That really is the worst kind of lying there is. And in the end, it proved tragic for them all.

I can't say enough how beautifully written this book is. At times it is almost poetry, and the imagery and metaphor used by Lockhart are wonderful. When Cady bleeds all over Gat, she isn't actually bleeding all over him, but pouring out her heart and sharing her emotions. And I love that. I think that is such an amazing way of saying you have feelings to express, and they are so strong, so vitally a part of you, that when you let them out, it feels as though life is leaving your body.

This book really is wonderfully and powerfully written. It is a mystery and a tragedy with aspects of the supernatural and romance and contemporary fiction. It is about grief and greed and family.

Why else should you read it? Because John Green endorsed the shit out of it. And he's a pretty awesome dude.

Read it. Trust me.

I give this book 5/5 stars. No contest.

My Blog Design

Hey all two people that read my blog!

I just wanted to give you an update about my blog design. You may or may not have noticed that it went through a drastic change. My amazing and wonderfully talented friend Ashley Scott did it all. Seriously. The only thing she didn't do was write my posts.

I mean, look at that cute little hedgehog reading that book. HE'S ADORABLE.

I am beyond thrilled with her work. I can't recommend her enough for graphic design, which is just one of her many awesome skills.

If you love what she's done with my page as much as I do and want to hire her immediately - which you totally should - please check out her website and contact her!

http://ashleymarjoriescott.wix.com/design

Hang in tight, guys - new post coming very soon.

Cheers!

An Austenland Comparison

My friends and I like to get together and watch really cheesy movies, and pretty much just tear them apart. Think Mystery Science Theater 3000, but instead of one dude and several robots, four giggly, snarky females, who may or may not be high on sugar.

Anyway, we purposely pick movies we think sound awful. One such gem was Medieval Park, which was. . .*shudder*. Just don't watch it, okay? It hurts your soul. But you can imagine that when I heard about Austenland, I immediately told my sisters in arms, "This. This is the next thing we watch." They enthusiastically agreed. We knew it was either going to be the worst thing we'd ever seen, or the greatest. Turns out, it was the latter.

And imagine our excitement when we found out that the movie was based on a book! I had to read it. The movie was great, and I could only assume the book would be even better (as they usually are). And the book was good! I reviewed it not too long ago - you can find it in the archives and check it out if you want.

Like any book to movie translation, however, there were some things the movie did better, some things the book did better, and some things that were simply different. This review will take a look at what the movie did well, and what it failed majestically at.

Characters

The Bad

*Sigh* Jane.

Jane is just. . .wrong. In the book, she is a strong, everyday chick who supports herself and doesn't let anybody use her as a doormat. And most of the comedy comes from her wit and sarcasm. In the movie, she's awful. She lets people interrupt her in the middle of sentences. She never stands up for herself. She lets Martin treat her like crap, including when he leaves her abandoned - without a horse, in the rain - and then is still interested in him.

UGH. Very disappointed in Movie Jane. Can I blame this on Stephenie Meyer's producing? Using that gif of Nobley was also absolutely necessary. Because reasons.

The Good

The GREAT news is - all of the other characters are much more fleshed out! I appreciate that a lot. In the book they don't get any attention. Captain East becomes this hilarious, melodramatic soap opera star, instead of someone with literally no personality at all. Andrews becomes this dashing, obviously (instead of subtly) gay gentleman. Charming transforms entirely, from being a bitchy, complaining, boring nobody to being Jane's greatest ally and an incredibly funny and blundering character. And she's...well....charming! For god's sake - at one point she smokes a pipe super casually. SMOKES A PIPE. The woman is amazing. Heartwright is still nice, but she has more character now. She is oddly eccentric in speech and movement, and has a serious hard-on for East. Not kidding. Wattlesbrook also has more development that establishes her as an uptight tyrant. Even Molly, Jane's best friend, gets more characterization. EVERYONE gets more characterization. Oprah just jet-packed in and gave away free personalities.

The Different

Nobley perhaps has less screen time than he does book time, but he is still effective at being utterly swoon-worthy and perfect. He doesn't spend quite as much one-on-one time with Jane, but he makes up for it. And the actor who plays him, JJ Feild, absolutely nails the musicale scene. NAILS. IT.

Martin comes across as being genuinely interested in Jane and having a relationship with her, versus casually flirting and making out. His dismissal of her seems quicker, though. Their quasi-relationship feels longer in the book. Martin also woos Jane in the beginning by playing the sax, singing horribly, dancing a bit, and assisting with the birth of a horse. This is in place of McDonald's and root beer and fuzzy Knicks games. It perhaps makes him seem more sketchy. In the novel he does seem like a real down-to-earth guy. The movie makes him seem too good to be true - especially when he births the horse. That scene is so ridiculous, you will fall out of your chair laughing the first time you see it.

Plot

Not Good or Bad Stuff - Just Different

Jane sketches with pencils instead of paints, and she brings them herself, instead of Nobley giving them to her. Which is kind of sad - I liked when he gave her the paints. It showed how considerate he was.

Nobley flies to America by himself instead of following Jane. This could be considered an even bigger show of his dedication, but at the same time, he's not afraid of flying in the movie. So you could say those two things cancel themselves out. Nobley's also not an actor in the movie, which I love. He's a history professor, and Wattlesbrook is REALLY his aunt. Poor guy. I think actors a bit over-romanticized, and being a history professor just makes Nobley seem more...normal. More real.

Charming buys out the park at the end and turns it into a REAL amusement park, with lots of frilly pink things. I kind of like the idea of her ripping it out from under Mrs. Wattlesbrook's feet.

Instead of only having a mild obsession with Mr. Darcy and being interested in Austen, Jane is an Austen/Darcy fanatic. I think they had to show that to make her problem with Darcy understood, because they need to show, not tell. But in the book it's more subtle. She's not a full-fledged fangirl.

Her Great Aunt Caroline doesn't leave her the trip in her will. Instead, Jane pays for it with her own money. I don't think there's really a huge difference in this, other than showing again how obsessed with Austen Jane is in the movie. In both cases, she's going there to find something because her life is in a rut.

Jane has the 'copper' package that expressly excludes her from doing a lot of things in Austenland, versus having pretty much free reign in the book. There also weren't as many organized activities in the books as in the movies. There is much more prejudice against her in the movie based upon her economic status, as well. In the book, it is just casually mentioned a few times.

The comedy. In the book, we mostly get Jane's snark and criticism via internal dialogue. In the movie, there is more physical comedy, and more people to participate in it. Bask in the beauty that is Jane playing the piano and the end credits sequence. Here's just a little taste of that.

Also, the fight scene stays almost entirely true to the book, but I honestly think it turned out better in the movie. Seeing it was so much butter than reading it, just because of how ridiculous it is. And the Hobbit joke is spot on. Nearly killed me.

All in all, I think that while it didn't stick straight to the plot or stay true to the bland background characters, this was an amazing interpretation of the book. Since I saw the movie first, perhaps it made me like it a bit more than if I had read the book beforehand. But I still think this movie is amazing - even without its association to the book. It's sincerely worth watching. I love it more every time I turn it on, and it never fails to make me laugh. Guaranteed for a good time and a lot of laughs.

Austenland by Shannon Hale

WARNING: Here thar be spoilers! Not a lot. Just, you know...some.

First off, I'd like to say that I love this book. With all of my soul. Mr. Nobley is my spirit animal - and not just because I want to marry him. There are just so many scenes where the poor man suffers in silence. When the cheese and the ridiculousness are simply too overwhelming, and you can tell he's thinking, "Kill me. Please." 

That. Is. My. Life.

*Ahem* Moving on. More about my undying love for Mr. Nobley later.

You probably want to know what this book is about, don't you? How dare you be so needy. I guess I can tell you. It starts out - for the most part - with thirty-something Jane Hayes meeting her Great-Aunt Carolyn for the first time since she was a small child. Jane is put up to this entirely by her mother, who wants to make sure Jane gets in the will. What Jane wasn't expecting was that Carolyn would find out about her, uh, rather unhealthy obsession with Mr. Darcy. An obsession that runs so deep, it's interfering with her love life.

But, lo and behold, this does get Jane into the will! Just...not in the way anyone would have thought. Carolyn, who had encouraged her niece to move on from Mr. Darcy and live her life, leaves her an all-expenses-paid trip to... I'll give you three guesses and a hint: it's the title. Did you guess Austenland? Four for you Glen Coco. You go Glen Coco. Well, actually, the official name of the place is Pembrook Park. But let's be real here - it's a Jane Austen theme park.

So Jane decides that, yes, she will go to Austenland, dag nabbit! She'll kick this shameful addiction to Jane Austen and Mr. Darcy (but really, mostly Mr. Darcy) right in the butt, and finally be able to have a normal relationship. She hopes, anyway.

She packs her bags and sets off for London. Once in Austenland, Jane meets Mrs. Wattlesbrook, the owner. She is drilled on manners, taught to dance, and bedecked with Regency clothing. Then she is sent on her way to the main house, where the real adventure awaits.

Here she finds the other women who are staying there with her - Miss Charming and Miss Heartwright. There is also Colonel Andrews, who is very charming; Mr. Nobley (swoon), who is, essentially, a more verbose Mr. Darcy; and Captain East, who honestly has almost no personality. 

The hardest thing for Jane to adjust to in this Regency microcosm isn't the corsets, the ridiculous rules of etiquette, or the strange food. Instead, the hardest thing for her to do is pretend she is someone from Regency England. It is the pretending specifically, the act one must put on, that bothers her. She feels utterly ridiculous, completely uncomfortable trying to be someone she's not. Though she eventually gets the hang of it, she's never fully used to pretending to be Miss Erstwhile - her Regency self. 

Now, everyone who enters Austenland gets her very own romance with one of the male actors. With Heartwright paired off to East and Charming viciously clinging to Andrews, Jane is sort of left with Nobley. But she's not certain she likes him very much - he's rude and aloof and perhaps thinks a bit too highly of himself. Besides, he's playing a part. Theodore - or rather, Martin - one of the gardeners, is far more down to earth. Hanging out (and making out) with him nearly makes Jane unable to continue with the farce of Austenland as she is constantly reminded of the real world, and real men who are not paid to pay attention to her.

But Martin isn't all he's cracked up to be, and Mr. Nobley is, perhaps, more. 

In conclusion, I'd like to point a few important things. This is the part you really want to skip over if you don't want spoilers. Just, just go to the end. Right to the very end. G'head, I'll wait.

Great. Let's get down to business. *Has to physically resist breaking out into song*

This book is effing hilarious. It's definitely worth it, just for the humor. There's one scene when they're doing the play and Mr. Nobley heaves this sigh in the middle of one of his lines, and it nearly killed me. It was beautiful. 

Speaking of Nobley...(swoons again) he's perfect. Have I mentioned that? He's the smoothest, most romantic bastard you've ever seen. At one point, he literally sweeps Jane off her feet. He's hilarious, he's good-looking, he's British, he's sweet. What more can I say? He buys Jane paints to help her reconnect with her inner artist. He buys a plane ticket to America just so he can follow Jane on the plane, not sure how things will work out or how he'll get a visa. He leaves everything behind and blindly follows Jane, because he wants to be with her that much. And that is something. 

Jane is pretty damn amazing in her own right. She is witty, relatable, awkward, and has just the right amount of quirk. She is just a normal girl who is seeking love but is blinded by the high standards set by a fictional character. And haven't we all been there? Let's be honest with ourselves. I also like that Jane is a good, sturdy character. She never lets anyone walk all over her or demean her - well, except for her mother, a bit. But she's barely there anyway. I like that Jane just kind of whacks Sir John when he tries to feel her up, and down he goes. Nobley rushes in and she's like, "What? Nothing to see here. I'm all set. Thanks, though."

I also love how genuinely honest of a person she is, a quality of myself that I can see reflected in her. She is so herself, so utterly free of deceit or falsehood, that playing a character makes her uncomfortable. In pretending to be a Regency woman, she feels so utterly ridiculous because she feels like she isn't being true to herself. And I really like that.

And since we're on the topic of playing a part, I did want to mention how much I truly appreciated the dynamic at Pembrook Park. It is a tough line to walk, between reality and fantasy, and the employees and customers do just that. The actors are paid to be charming and have a "romance" with a certain guest. Their affections aren't true, but the guest has a hard time remembering that, and often gets themselves too involved in a relationship that isn't real. It is oftentimes impossible to tell whether an actor's actions are truly genuine or not. And in all honesty, I think this is a great mirror of real dating. When you first meet a person, you generally try to be on your best behavior and downplay your faults. You don't know the other person well, so you can't tell if they're being sincere or not. And when it really comes down to it, don't we all put on faces and pretend to be people we're not? So the actors at Pembrook Park had far more than one purpose.

The downsides of this book? Pretty damn close to nothing, but the one thing that did really irk me was how uncharacterized everyone but Jane, Nobley, and Martin were. They were very lackluster, very flat. Other than that one thing, I have few complaints about the book.

And since the rules about being firmly in the Regency era were so strict, I can't help thinking that if I was in Austenland, I would keep quoting famous works of literature and then when someone complimented me on how beautiful it was, I would say, "Isn't it, though? I'm thinking of writing a novel around it." And the sad thing is that almost no one would understand how truly witty I was. Or I would alter things from pop culture - like the Kardashians - to be time period correct just to see if anyone would break character to laugh.

Anyway, I fully endorse giving this wonderful book a read. I'd give it 4.5/5 stars.